


After Dark

by danfaz94



Series: Spander Canon [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Xander Harris, Closeted Character, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Oral Sex, Sex, Sub Xander Harris, Top Spike (BtVS), Vampire Sex, Xander Harris-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 11:04:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14211780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danfaz94/pseuds/danfaz94
Summary: Xander Harris has been tasked with keeping Spike in his basement for a few days whilst Giles has a lady friend staying over at his place. What starts as antagonistic soon turns erotic when it becomes clear that the vampire is interested in doing more than sleeping during their first night alone. Xander is intrigued, but does he really want to give in to his secret desires?





	After Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This work takes place during the Season 4 Buffy episode Hush, directly during and following the "nummy treat" scene. Whilst non-canon, it doesn't take any liberties with the show's established canon and is written in a way so that it could technically have happened within the show's universe.

Xander Harris always seemed to be the whipping boy amongst his group of friends. He was never of any particular use and so he got the jobs that nobody else wanted. He didn’t have super strength and he couldn’t use magic. He didn’t even have his own place and was currently living in the basement below his parent’s house. Yet that didn’t stop him been chosen to house Spike, the soulless vampire who was apparently now harmless thanks to a behaviour-modification circuitry implanted into his head by a secret government agency. Unable to cause harm maybe, but he was still capable of doing bad things and he still had information that could be relevant for the Scooby Gang, which is why they were keeping him around. He’d been staying with Giles up until this point, until suddenly the Watcher now had some woman named Olivia staying over for some adult fun. And of course it was now up to Xander to look after Spike.

Xander wasn’t used to having company in his abode during the night-time. Sure, Anya occasionally came over for sex, but she wasn’t the sort to stick around for cuddles afterwards. Well, at least she hadn’t been initially. Judging from their conversation earlier that day, which had conveniently taken place in front of Giles and Spike, it seemed like she now wanted more from their relationship. This frightened Xander since he’d never really considered her to be anything other than a brief fling, but she’d made a habit of sticking around.

Other than her, though, usually people left after a certain hour and Xander was free to roam about naked – this was the way he always went to bed. With Spike here, though, he’d elected to wear a vest and a pair of boxer-shorts. The last thing he needed was for the acid-tongued blonde to make comments on his body. So now here they were – alone in the dank and depressing basement, with Xander in his underwear. Spike ultimately agreed on the armchair as the place he’d be confined to overnight and Xander was busy holding him in place with thick ropes. He tied them tight around his arms, his legs, and even his waist.

‘Don’t see why I have to be tied up...’ Spike grumbled.

‘It’s just while I’m sleeping,’ Xander explained.

‘Like I’d bite you anyway,’ he snapped.

‘Oh, you would.’

‘Not bloody likely.’

Xander got into his bed and began to make himself comfortable under the covers, yet the vampire had touched a nerve and he continued to glare at him. ‘I happen to be very biteable, pal. I’m moist and delicious.’

‘Alright,’ Spike relented, sarcastically, ‘yeah fine, you’re a nummy treat.’

Xander lay down and closed his eyes, but pointed in Spike’s direction. ‘And don’t you forget it.’

There was a few seconds when the room was completely still. Xander was hoping that Spike would fall asleep, or at least shut his mouth for a few hours. However, the silence was broken by a high-pitched voice.

‘ _Xander, don’t you care about me?’_ Spike said, in a painful imitation of Anya.

‘Shut up!’

‘ _We never talk._ ’

Xander held up a warning finger. ‘Shut up!’

‘ _Xander..._ ’

‘Shut up!’

For a while, this seemed to have worked. However, despite the total stillness, Xander could sense that Spike was awake. Awake and watching him, which in turn made it impossible for him to switch his mind off long enough to fall asleep. It was unnerving, yet strangely exhilarating. There was a certain tension in the air that Xander couldn’t explain, but which was very palpable. 

‘I’m bored,’ Spike muttered.

Xander’s eyes snapped open. ‘Spike, it’s time for sleep.’

‘Well at least let me roam about the house while you do that. You said your mum and dad were out tonight, so what’s the harm? If they come back early then I promise I’ll be a good little house guest and come back down here.’

‘No.’

‘It’s not like I could do anything. Violence related, I mean.’

‘Err, no, technically not – but you could run away and I’m way too tired to chase after you. Hell, I’m way too tired to even pick up the phone and ring Buffy to come catch you.’

Spike paused. ‘Are you actually tired?’

‘Yes,’ Xander growled, trying with all his might to block out the sound of Spike’s voice.

Spike scoffed. ‘Too tired even for a bit of... you know, fun?’

Xander sat up. Now it was his time to scoff. ‘Spike, I cannot tell you how much I am **not** in the mood for that. With you here, my palms are going to get a well-earned rest for the foreseeable future.’

‘You don’t need your own hands to get the job done. Or are you not aware that other people can help you out in that department?’

Xander raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, are you offering?’ he quipped. 

‘Hey, you said it, not me.’

He was unsure if the vampire was joking, so Xander frowned. ‘You actually wanna come over here and put your clammy hands on my junk?’

Spike shrugged. ‘Look, droopy boy, I’m not expecting Lady Godiva’s horse. But, yeah, I ain’t had any in a while, so even a chipolata sounds like a feast right now.’

‘Hey,’ Xander spat back, ‘my wiener is... well, not exactly gonna win any contests, but... shut up!’

Spike smirked and shook his head. ‘You’re too easy.’

‘Listen, if you don’t shut your trap then I swear to God I’ll come over there and choke you.’

‘I’ll choke you, but it won’t be with my hands.’

‘Shut up!’

‘Oh come on, judging from how uptight your being lately you probably need someone to show you a thing or two about what sex can really be like.’

‘I’ve had sex. I’ve had sex... well, a few times.’

‘And your experience is purely with – who, that Anya bird? Pur-lease...’

‘I’ll have you know she’s the second woman I’ve been with.’ Xander didn’t particularly like the idea of bragging about his sexual conquests with Spike of all people, but it felt oddly satisfying to be able to demonstrate that he was capable of attracting females. ‘Faith, the other Slayer, she was my first.’

‘I don’t know who the hell you’re talking about.’

‘Well then just take it from me, I lost my virginity to her. And there was Cordelia – we didn’t have sex, but I totally made out with her. A lot. And come on, she was head cheerleader, that’s gotta count for something.’

‘Are you trying to impress me?’

‘No, I, err... I’m just letting you know... I’m a catch.’

‘Whatever. So you’ve never been with a man?’

‘No, of course not.’

Spike mockingly licked his bottom lip. ‘Have you ever thought about it?

Xander gulped. ‘No.’

‘Don’t lie.’

‘I’m not.’ But he was lying. At least, he was pretty sure he was.

Xander had gotten good at blocking out those thoughts. First there was Jesse. When he had hit puberty and was going through those awkward early teenage years, he’d often looked at his best friend Jesse McNally in a way that exceeded friendship. He’d caught him undressing several times during gym class and had longed for a better look. Even when he discovered masturbation, he found his imagination drifting away from women and towards thoughts of him and Jesse exploring each other’s bodies. Then there was the desire for other things. He’d never gone as far as to put certain objects in unspeakable places, though the idea sounded tantalising. He’d never done it, but he’d thought about it a lot.

‘Yeah, right,’ Spike laughed. The way he looked made it seem like he could read Xander’s mind. ‘Keep telling yourself that, you bloody poof.’

This comment made Xander angry. ‘Well it sounds like you’re not exactly a stranger to that kind of thing, bleach boy.’

‘I’m not gonna deny it. You think me and Angel never did the nasty?’

The words hit Xander like a ton of bricks.

‘You and...’ he caught himself mid-sentence and wasn’t sure how to actually reply. He stared at Spike with his mouth gaping for a while. ‘Angel? As in... **the** Angel? Buffy’s Angel? You and tall, dark and broody Angel?’

Spike nodded, nonchalantly, as though this wasn’t utterly earth shattering news. Though, then again, Spike seemed to have a very different idea of what constituted as noteworthy.

‘So, just to clarify... you had sex with Angel?’

‘Do you want me to draw you a diagram?’ Spike retorted. ‘Look, I’m horny and you’re clearly in need of some... shall we say assault with a deadly weapon? So are you gonna untie me or not?’

Xander was torn. He couldn’t exactly trust Spike, and yet he knew that deep down, this is what he wanted. He wanted to experience sex with a man and he might never be this brave again.

‘You promise you won’t run away?’ he said, getting out of bed.

‘I give you my word,’ Spike replied.

Xander wasn’t sure how much that was worth, but his body seemed to be running on adrenaline and testosterone, which probably wasn’t a healthy mixture. Before he could even think it over properly, his shaking hands were pulling away at the knots he’d created mere minutes ago.

Now released from his shackles, Spike stood up. ‘Good boy.’

He grabbed hold of Xander’s vest and started lifting it up. Xander raised his arms so that he could take it completely off. Spike put his hand on Xander’s chest and brushed his nipple. Whilst his skin may be colder than average, it wasn’t bad and Xander actually found his touch to be enjoyable.

‘Aren’t you gonna undress, too?’

This made Spike chuckle. ‘Eager, aren’t you?’

Xander shifted nervously.

‘Don’t worry,’ Spike said, taking of his shirt, ‘I’ll give you a good look.’

He started to unbuckle his belt and Xander could feel his palms sweating. He bit his bottom lip as he watched the man in front of him pull down his trousers, revealing his very sizeable member.

‘You like it?’ Spike enquired.

Xander opened his mouth to respond, but found his mouth hand gone completely dry. He eventually managed to croak, ‘It’s... erm, yeah...’

Spike smirked. ‘You can touch it if you like.’

There was a certain mischievous glint in his eye which let Xander know that Spike was fully aware of what he wanted to do with his penis. Well, at least what his inhibitions wanted – his head was telling him something else, practically screaming for him to stop this nonsense at once, but Xander was quite sure that all the blood in his body was flowing out of his brain and flushing profusely south.

Xander got to his knees so that he was now eye level with Spike’s penis. His nose was literally less than an inch away from another man’s genitals. It felt unreal. He gently grasped it with his right hand and moved gently up and down the shaft. With his left hand, he began to play with Spike’s testicles, analysing every part of what was now in front of him. Slowly, he put his lips to the tip and then pulled back again. It was such a different taste to what he was used to.

He looked up. Spike’s eyes were burning into him.

‘Go on,’ the vampire said. ‘Put it in your mouth, I dare you.’

Xander obliged. Before he knew it, his mouth was full and his nose was beginning to bristle against Spike’s pubic hair. He gagged slightly, but he made sure to savour what he was sampling. Once he was satisfied, he took it out of his mouth and instead moved his attention to the balls. He steadily guided his tongue across the scrotum and then suckled tenderly.

He looked up again and saw Spike roll his eyes. ‘Bloody hell, take your soddin’ boxers off, will you? Little Xander clearly wants to come out and I’m actually pitying him.’

Xander looked down at the very noticeable erection that was visible and felt his face start to flush. ‘Oh,’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘Right...’

He could feel his body shaking. It wasn’t like he’d never been naked with someone before. He’d been with two women, which was two more than he’d ever thought possible at one stage. This wasn’t even the first time he’d been naked with a guy. There was that time he joined the Sunnydale High swim team and used the locker room with whole bunch of naked men. And even though he’d never been naked in front of his friends, there was that time Buffy, Willow and Cordelia had seen him in those skimpy pair of Speedos that left nothing to the imagination. This was different though, entirely different.

‘Well come on, then. What, you think you’ve got something I haven’t seen before?’

Xander could feel his cheeks burning brighter. ‘No, I, err...’

Without further hesitation, he pulled down his boxer-shorts and feebly pushed them aside. He stood, completely naked and feeling out of his depth. He had to fight the urge not to cover his modesty and instead had to force himself to even look Spike in the eye. When he did, he saw that the vampire’s gaze was focused entirely on his nether region, which made him somewhat uncomfortable.

Spike had a devilish grin on his face. ‘Well, not bad. Mine’s bigger of course.’

Xander sighed and scratched the back of his head nervously. Of course that would be Spike’s first response. They’re about to get intimate with each other and he’s got to make it a competition. He chose to ignore this, though, since Spike was edging closer to him.

He put his hand to Xander’s chin and gently guided his face towards his. ‘Come here...’ he muttered and before Xander knew it, he and Spike’s lips were touching.

It was a weird sensation. Xander had expected it to be like kissing a dead person or something, but it didn’t. He noticed that Spike’s hands were now wrapped around him and he did the same in return so that they weren’t just lamely dangling by his side. He also realised that their erect penises were touching. It wasn’t something he was used to, but it felt good.

After a few minutes, Spike broke away and said, ‘Get on the bed.’

It was an order, said rather abruptly, but Xander kind of liked it. He felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach and obeyed. It felt wrong, but he wanted this. He couldn’t deny it – he wanted to have sex with Spike.

‘Lie down,’ Spike instructed, and Xander immediately lay on his back.

Spike got onto the bed and hovered over Xander, caressing his thigh and licking his torso. He then lifted his head and started kissing him again. As this happened, Xander felt Spike’s hand find his penis, which he gently played with. Nobody had ever made him feel this way before.

Spike started to nibble Xander’s ear. ‘Does that feel good?’

‘Yes,’ Xander responded, without a second thought. ‘Holy shit, that’s good.’

‘Told you so, didn’t I?’ Spike said, nuzzling his face.

This continued for some time. Xander was still shocked that this was happening. He would never have thought that Spike would taste this good, that he would ever crave such a manly touch.

‘Are you ready to go all the way?’ Spike asked.

Xander nodded. ‘Sure, yeah, I guess... well, ready as I’ll ever be.’ He sat up. ‘So, err, how do you wanna do this? I mean, which one of us...’

‘Well put it this way, monkey boy, you ain’t sticking nothing inside me. You got that?’

‘No... right, I mean... that’s, that’s what I thought. You’ll need a condom. I have some, but they might not... err, they might not fit you.’ He saw that Spike was looking at him, puzzled. ‘You are going to wear a condom, right?’

‘Why? You’re not going to get pregnant.’

‘Yeah, I know that – I’m not a dolt. I mean in case of, you know, sexual diseases or whatever.’

‘I’m the friggin’ un-dead. We don’t get sexual diseases. Look, do you wanna do this or not?’

‘Okay, okay... Jesus, I’m just not exactly an expert at this.’

‘Well learn quickly because I’m tired of talking. You got lube?’

‘You’re okay with that?’

‘I’m not a total bloody animal. And it’s for your benefit more than mine.’

‘Right, yeah. You just don’t seem the type to...’ he saw Spike’s eyes narrow ‘...okay, I’m gonna shut up now. Err, lube... I should have something... one moment...’

He walked over to a pile of boxes, wishing he’d done a better job at sorting his stuff out. Now he was crouched, wearing nothing at all, rummaging through all his worthless belongings. He wondered briefly about whether or not Spike was checking out his butt, but then shook this thought away. He’d used his last tube up last night. Anya hadn’t come over, so he’d had to pleasure himself. He secretly found it better.

‘While we’re young...’ he heard Spike mutter.

‘Got it,’ Xander finally said, walking back over with it in his hand.

He looked at the tube, then back at Spike. The vampire groaned and said, ‘I’m not doing it for you. Get your own shit box ready, and then let’s do this thing.’

‘Right,’ Xander said.

He squeezed a liberal amount of lubricant into his palm and stood awkwardly applying it between his ass cheeks. It felt awkward with Spike watching him, but he just stared adamantly at the floor as he did it so it didn’t get to him. When he was sure that he was efficiently greased up, he coughed to let it be known that he was ready.

‘On the bed again then,’ Spike said.

Another order, which Xander still got an inexplicable thrill from. He positioned himself on all fours, feeling a little emasculated but liked it all the same. He could hear the mattress creek and feel Spike situating himself on his knees behind him. Xander was still trembling as he felt Spike’s flesh against his.

‘Right then,’ Spike said. ‘Here we go...’

‘ **Fuck **!’****

********

The word left Xander’s mouth before he’d even had time to register it. His whole body had tensed up as soon as Spike put the tip of his penis into him and his heart was now pumping extremely fast.

********

‘You alright?’ Spike asked. It didn’t sound like he was concerned, more like he was waiting for confirmation that he could continue.

********

‘Yeah,’ Xander replied. ‘Just, err... just go a bit slower, okay?’

********

‘Whatever.’

********

Spike began pushing it in again and Xander gripped the bed sheets, trying his hard not to squeal. It felt ridiculous to even think, but he didn’t want Spike to think that he couldn’t handle this. He felt his penis going further into his rectum, until it finally became clear that he was fully inside.

********

‘There you go,’ Spike said. ‘Feel good?’

********

‘Sure,’ Xander said, ‘let’s go with that.’

********

‘Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.’

********

Xander was sure it was easy for him to say. After all, he wasn’t the one having something inserted up his anus, and Spike wasn’t exactly small when it came to his equipment.

********

As the vampire started to thrust, getting a little quicker with each movement of his hips, Xander began to produce moans that he couldn’t hold back. He found it rather embarrassing because he didn’t want Spike to comment on the fact that he was near enough shrieking. But there wasn’t much he could do, especially as he could feel Spike’s penis rubbing against his prostate.

********

Spike massaged his hands over Xander’s back, as Xander clenched his teeth in an attempt to hold back any serious noises of pleasure – after all, he didn’t exactly want to inflate Spike’s ego by showing he was getting too much enjoyment from the experience. He hated himself for how competitive he was making this. Even when he was getting sodomised, he couldn’t let the person doing it to him have an advantage.

********

Spike seemed to have found his rhythm and was getting a lot faster. Xander wasn’t complaining because he was getting used to it, and was actually longing for him to continue. Though it wasn’t exactly the most comfortable experience in the world, leading Xander to wish they’d worked up to this a little slower – he imagined other people would start by inserting smaller things into themselves and gradually lead up to the bigger stuff later on. Spike didn’t exactly seem like the foreplay type, though, and Xander sure as hell couldn’t imagine the two of them being so tender with each other from much longer than they had been.

********

No, this was clearly spontaneous, animalistic carnal desire. This was the result of two sexually-charged males relieving each other – nothing more, nothing less. Or at least that’s what Xander kept telling himself.

********

Xander gripped the bed sheets and pressed his forehead to the mattress. Then it happened. Spike’s penis must have hit his prostate in just the right way because Xander let out the biggest involuntary cry and felt himself ejaculate. He began to gasp and wheeze as Spike persisted for a few minutes more, until finally Xander could feel his insides warming with fluid.

********

Spike pulled out and Xander let out a finally gasp before rolling onto his back, panting heavily. Xander expected to feel a lot of pain afterwards, but surprisingly he wasn’t sore. Now all he wanted was to go and shower. There was a mixture of embarrassment, self-loathing and regret swirling around in his brain and he didn’t time to fully digest what had just happened.

********

The two men just lay for a few minutes in silence. Since Spike didn’t breathe, the only noise was coming from Xander and it left him feeling unnerved – it really hammered home the fact that he’d just done it with what was essentially a living corpse. Spike was sat up and staring into space, perhaps also going over in his head the reality of what had just happened.

********

Once he’d gotten his breath back, Xander managed to get to his feet. He was still trembling.

********

‘You’ll wanna go to the bathroom,’ Spike suddenly said.

********

‘What?’

********

‘The toilet,’ he clarified. ‘Look, you’ve got my swimmers up there and they have to come out at some point. Just sit on the toilet for a bit and it should happen eventually.’

********

Vampire sperm – he had vampire sperm inside him. The thought actually made Xander’s blood run cold. Vampires had sperm? They must do, but the thought just made him want to vomit. He was going through so many emotions that it was making his head spin. He’d just had sex with a man and had very much wanted it, but that didn’t stop him from feeling disgusted with himself and the whole process.

********

‘Err, okay, I’ll just be a little while then,’ Xander said, retrieving his boxers from the floor. ‘Are you gonna be okay down here by yourself.’

********

Spike grimaced. ‘Do you think I wanna cuddle with you?’

********

‘Of course not,’ Xander responded, as he put his vest back on. ‘I just mean, can I trust you to be alone down here without running off?’

********

‘I promised you I wouldn’t, didn’t I?’

********

‘Well, it’s not like –’

********

‘I gave you my word,’ Spike said, firmly. ‘I’m not gonna go back on that. Not this time. Just go get yourself cleaned up, then you can come back and tie me to the chair again. It’ll be like none of this happened.’

********

Xander nodded and swiftly left the basement.

********

He didn’t quite know why he’d gotten dressed again. It wasn’t like he was going to run into anyone whilst just walking through his house. He figured it was the post-coital reality setting in and he just felt weird being naked in front of Spike. Seemed almost funny given what they’d just done.

********

When he entered the bathroom, Xander made sure to avoid his reflection. He didn’t want to see what he looked like right now – probably red-faced and sweaty, like he’d just ran a marathon. Instead, he followed Spike’s advice and sat down on the toilet.

********

He kept thinking about the fact that they didn’t use protection. Spike had been insistent that vampires couldn’t transmit sexual diseases to their partners. Was that true? Xander assumed it was. It wasn’t like they carried over stuff like cancer or the flu with them when they became immortal. Surely it was the same with this. He remembered not too long back when he’d gotten syphilis from the vengeful spirit of the aboriginal Chumash tribe. That was different though – it had been a curse, he hadn’t actually had sex with anyone.

********

Maybe he could do some research on it just to make sure. Or perhaps work it naturally into a conversation with the Scooby Gang. Buffy had had sex with Angel, had they used a condom? He didn’t know, but he could try to find out. And speaking of Angel, he couldn’t get over the bombshell that he and Spike had done the deed with each other. He never would have expected that. Then he remembered that sometimes in the wild, alpha males would rape the weaker ones in order to display dominance – was it the same deal here? After all, vampires were essentially wild animals.

********

After what seemed liked hours, he felt the sticky residue trickling out of him. He reached for the paper, making sure to wipe thoroughly. Spike’s essence – who would ever have thought he’d be in this situation?

********

He flushed the chain and dashed over to the shower, doggedly avoiding the mirror at all costs. He stepped into the rushing water and began to lather himself in soap. He felt dirty and he needed to get it off him. He needed to purge himself of everything, including the smell.

********

But he couldn’t deny to himself that he had wanted it, and he couldn’t deny to himself that it felt good. It had felt so good. He thought sex with Faith and Anya had been good, but that paled in comparison to what he had just experienced with Spike. The name made him shudder, though.

********

**Spike**. He had just had an orgasm courtesy of **Spike**. The thought was almost enough for him to try and drown himself right then and there. He hated Spike, hated vampires, hated the idea of him and another man being so intimate. But it had felt so good. There was a small part of him that wanted to do it again at some point and this worried him slightly. How long did Giles say Spike was going to be staying with him? A few days? He hoped he’d be able to resist him and have some self-control next time, but he was a man and he had needs – needs that clearly a woman couldn’t fulfil.

********

What the hell would his friends think if they knew what had just happened? It wasn’t like they were strangers to having sex with more questionable guys – Buffy had been in a relationship with a vampire, after all, and Willow was had been in one with a werewolf. But those two examples weren’t perfect since both Angel and Oz had been decent people with souls. Xander had just had sex with a monster.

********

Then he thought about his family, his parents – what would happen if they found out? Would they disown him? Their son had just had his back door penetrated by another man.

********

Xander continued to scrub at his skin as if that would make these thoughts go away. He then recalled something that had happened back at school, when they were investigating animal attacks. He quite liked this part of being a member of the Scooby Gang. Since he didn’t have any special powers, this was where he could really excel – show why he was worthy to be around the others. On that occasion, he’d been tasked with confronting Larry Blaisdell, a jock who’d made Xander’s life hell for years. He got him alone in the locker room with the intention of making him confess to the attacks, but instead the conversation had gone a different direction. Larry came out to him after assuming that Xander was gay, too.

********

At the time, Xander was mortified. He thought he’d done a good job of hiding that side of him, the part that wanted to experiment with other boys. But he’d unwittingly left another student with the impression that this was more or less a normal part of his life.

********

He managed to forget this encounter until a little while later when he spoke to Larry again – this time about his possible involvement in a school shooting attempt. He cringed at the memory. Larry had still thought he was gay, despite the fact that he had made it very clearly that it was not the case. He was dead now – a casualty of their memorable graduation – so he didn’t have to worry about him telling anyone anymore, but instead it was Spike who was in on the secret. That was a hundred times worse and Xander had done a lot more than just lead him on to believe he was gay.

********

Once he realised that he was about to do himself serious harm if he went on scrubbing his skin any longer, Xander stepped out of the shower and began to get dry. As he rubbed the towel on his hair, he caught a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror and looked away almost instantly. He quickly got dressed and headed downstairs. This certainly wasn’t his finest hour.

********

Upon returning to the basement, he found that Spike had also gotten dressed. Stood there in his black ensemble again, it truly was like nothing had happened. Xander didn’t know whether or not this was a good thing. He’d just went through one hell of an experience – was it destined to forever be a secret? Something between the two of them that nobody would ever find out about? Maybe it was better that way.

********

‘Right then,’ Spike said, taking his seat back on the armchair, ‘let’s do this.’

********

Xander walked over and began to tie him up, though noticeably did the knots a little less tight this time around. He couldn’t believe Spike had honour enough to keep his word. It was awkward being so close to the vampire again and it was evident that they were both doing their hardest to avoid looking each other in the eye. 

********

‘Thanks,’ Xander whispered, as he finished work on the last of the rope. ‘I really needed that.’

********

There was a pause, and then Spike replied, ‘No problem.’

********

Xander got back into bed and put his head to the pillow, ready for an uneasy sleep. He was plagued with so many thoughts that were going to inevitably lead to nightmares. Had Spike enjoyed what they had done as much as he did? Was he filled with as much regret? Then there was Anya. He could never tell her about this. They weren’t actually serious at this point – at least, he didn’t think they were – but it looked like it was heading that way. What if she eventually wanted marriage? Could he ever do that knowing full well that he would prefer to be spending the rest of his life with a man? Not necessarily Spike, but he could definitely envision the perfect life and he wasn’t settling down with a woman, that’s for sure.

********

Should he completely write off Spike, though? That night, he’d gotten a glimpse of something a lot deeper than a fiend who drained people of their blood. He’d potentially just seen the human being he’d once been, long ago. He’d shared something personal with him and it had felt incredible.

********

Suddenly, Spike spoke. ‘Goodnight, Xander.’

********

********

Xander found himself smiling. ‘Goodnight, William.’

********


End file.
